During the major holidays, we’ve released lists of the best anti-revival movies to enjoy with the family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. As Valentine’s Day approaches, here are some similar movies to enjoy with your significant other.
Each may not have the strongest romantic theme, but they all uphold conservative values - even if the people who created them might be embarrassed to realize it.
10. “Tomorrow Never Dies” (1997)
Pierce Brosnan at his finest is the star here, but our main focus is the villain: a media/tech billionaire in a black turtleneck who knowingly endangers millions of lives with fake news because it helps his bottom line. He does this by trying to foment a war – rather than, say, flu hysteria – but those were simpler times.
9. “Juno” (2007)
This one has been on conservative film lists since its release: a teenage girl becomes pregnant and chooses adoption over abortion. A young and adorable Ellen Page gives a masterful performance in a film about love, family and self-sacrifice. The highlight is the scene where she chooses life because of the nails. Watch the clip before YouTube removes it for ‘hate speech’!
8. “The Incredibles” (2004)
Pixar’s magnum opus has also long been beloved by conservatives: the government enforces a world of mediocrity until a family of superheroes rises for the occasion. The film’s stated theme of “When everyone’s great, no one will be” sounds pretty perfect for a world of participation trophies, safe spaces, and universal basic income.
The love story between husband and wife is great, but the theme is like Ayn Rand and Stan Lee having a baby.
7. “Serenity” (2005)
Joss Whedon is as vapid Hollywood liberal as they come, but his sci-fi masterpiece is extremely conservative. In the distant future where we travel through space, a distant, soulless federal government rules over dozens of misbehaving red stars, uh, worlds analogous to the American West and South – with an iron fist. This evil government is so convinced it can make humans better that it (spoiler) is secretly drugging the settlers into obeying. The hero’s main speech sounds like Trump in 2015, and he gets the girl at the end as icing on the cake.
The Serenity universe even has its own Alex Jones!
6. “Hot Fuzz” (2007)
A bro-mance, rather than a romance, Hot Fuzz is about two cops from different backgrounds who learn to work together against elitists who – again – think they can make the world a better place through force. (Strange how much more Hollywood loved this theme than they do today.) The hero is a dutiful cop who saves the day by riding around town like a cowboy!
5. “300” (2007)
An army of alpha males fight the invaders to defend their land, women and children, successfully protecting the nation of Greece and “the promise this country keeps”. Unrepentant masculinity and patriotism defending the foundations of Western civilization are good any time of the year, but especially on Valentine’s Day.
4. “My Fat Greek Wedding” (2002)
While we’re in Greece, let’s enjoy this quaint 20-year-old romantic comedy about the importance of traditional marriage, family, organized religion, and the fight against Turkish invaders.
3. “Mister Mom” (1983)
Going back quite a ways, Mr. Mom is a wonderful romantic comedy between a married couple who switch roles after globalization undermines the husband as the breadwinner. The message is: yes, men and women box excellent in the world of the other… but it is better for society, and incidentally for themselves, that they excel in their own world. It even ends with a Patton-themed Reagan Era patriotic message!
2. “As Good as It Gets” (1997)
This witty romance between Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt at the height of their powers is probably the most unusual romantic comedy you’ll find. This particular scene about “reason and responsibility” – which sure would never be written today – has aged very well. (Even if you don’t have time to watch the whole movie, just spend some time on the clip’s comments section!)
1. “Drive” (2011)
This cult classic is perfect for Valentine’s Day. In pre-smartphone Los Angeles, Ryan Gosling plays a moonlit stuntman who works as a getaway driver because his Hollywood producers don’t pay him enough to survive. He falls in love with Carey Mulligan and takes it upon himself to protect her and her son from a world of violence she cannot understand. These days, this film would be criticized for being “heteronormative”, but rational people call it “a love story”.
And the villain is played by arrogant Hollywood elitist Ron Perlman. So win-win!
Honorable mention: “Brittany runs a marathon” (2019)
You probably haven’t seen (or even heard of) that Sundance movie from a few years ago, but the story is amazing: a young New Yorker’s weight problem drags her down and, rather than posting a bunch of insecure and self-righteous Tiks. To talk about it, she gets in shape and runs the city’s annual marathon. No BS when you wake up, just self-discipline and hard work. That this film was made is amazing.
Given that the COVID deaths point to a national obesity problem more than anything else, it’s a good message for everyone, especially those who slipped on their New Year’s fitness resolutions.
Happy Valentine day!
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